xCamomilex

the accident

2006-04-07T04:53:00.000-07:00

hmm, not been updating lately.. cos suddenly it seems like so many things are happenin ard mi, 240306 ( our 10 month anniversary), in the middle of the nite about 3 am plus, someone smsed mi, told mi that, my dear baby soldier, met an accident in camp.. i couldn't believe at first, i thot it was april fool joke though it's still early to april.. then i smsed back and found that, it was the truth, he had an accident and he's admitted in the hospital.. i couldn't sleep, i was shock, i didn't cry, i guess i didn't know how to react then, i was worried for his condition.. i jus stayed awake for the whole nite, hopin that mornin arrives fast so that i can rush to the hospital to see him..
abt 8am plus, dear rang mi up in the hospital, using the hospital phone, he told mi , he had a small deep cut at his chin and he broke his wrist, i thot oh~, small cut plus a fracture on wrist only, nothin else.. i wanted to meet him fast.. at 10 plus, met his family and yufan they all.. and off we go to the hos... when we reach ther, he was sent to CT scan.. and i heard that he had concusion, loss of memory, i was worried sick. we waited for some time.. ahh.. finally. he's out.. oh gosh~ the first time i saw his face i was shock.. ahhH~~ it was terrible . half of his face, the skin was peeled off. and over the phone he told me he only have a small deep cut on his chin.. i look at him, he's a bit blur, he was a bit confused.. he told mi alot of things when he was in a daze, he said things like, "i really love u alot, i'm sorry for the things i do and said to hurt u, i love u .. i feel terrible when u're not beside mi.. " i felt so sad suddenly..the first day when i visit him, i went back by his friend's car, i cant; hold back my tears, i cried silently in his car.. i dunno why, i feel terrible..

for the rest of the days, he remain almost like that, but of course a bit better off.. he also went for surgery.. he came out , he was well.. thank God. i didn't noe how to cope with both my studies and relationship, i told myself i must concentrate on my studies cos my exams jus next week. but i can't, if i never visit him, i totally cannot concentrate, i really hope i can pass my exams...

now he's at home recuperating, and finally my exams are over.. i'm still meetin him .. most of the time.. =) our relationship became even better after this whole lot of thing happen.. much sweeter and more love..^^

2006-03-17T01:32:00.000-08:00

arghz~ i woke up in the morning, feeling so fresh, preparing to go school, after i bathe, i took out my guitar, my mum saw, and ask why take out the guitar? i say cos today got lesson, don't need to pay wan.. can learn for free.. she scold mi crazy.. i think she's the wan who's being crazy.. i told her nicely why i brought the guitar to school, it's not like i shout at her or wad.. i was damn angry, but i hold back my temper and ask her, "why i talk to u nicely, u cannot answer back nicely, ytd also like that, today also like that, can don't shout at mi early in the morning anot, bring guitar to school got wrong meh.." then she say, " why cannot shout, u siao wanna learn this learn that, cannot study properly , must everyday go out, cannot tidy up the room, 'shen jing bing'.. you wanna move out, u wanna married, go la go la " see wad kinda f***ing words she use at mi for no reason at all i din even say anything about moving out or gettin married or wad.., in that particular morning she scold mi crazy umpteen times.. wad's wrong with her, i packed my room already eh, those books lyin on the tables were not mine, it's my sis.. i'm so damn piss off, she finish shouting me, now she's angry, she shout at my sis too, she say cannot go out, stay at home, do all the houseworks.. ha, my sis don't even give a damn

ytd, was veh peaceful in my family at night, while watching tv, i whispered to my mum, "mee, can i go class outing with my frens.. during last week of April, with my class mates..." i haven tell her where i'll be going.. guess wad she say.." u can dont everytime make decision urself anot, can study anot, i nv see ppl like ur age always wanna go outting, cannot concentrate on ur studies issit, ppl at ur age is meant for studies and nothing else.." wad f*** is this,in the first place i din even make any decision, i din even say," oh i bought the ticks le, die die also must go, i still put her on my mind, and her her for permission, at least i still respect her.. after hearing her shout, i dun intend at all to tell her where actually i wanna go, she'll sure scold mi 'shen jing bing'..

so she mean, ppl my age, cannot go outting, cannot learn other things, jus study and study, until when i pass out as a nurse then i can go wad, outting with my friends, as if next time i'll have so much time... wad's the problem with her, she can't talk nicely to mi, i'm already talking to her so nicely, at least she say cannot go nicely , then i'll not go lar, she must always shout at mi wan.. she say, "dunno why give birth to u and raise u up, so useless and stupid, everytime wanna go out only..." if in the first place she dun wan mi jus abort mi oki, don't let mi come into this world and hear her bark those f***king words at mi.. i've enough of all this shit okie, enough is enough.

she always think she's right i'm wrong, i'm also a human okie, i have feelings.....

case of wife battering

2006-03-15T15:00:00.000-08:00

hmmm, ytd was Rachel's birthday, i finished school early and went orchard to shop for her present with dear..=) hmm, i tried a couple of clothes, but it's all not nice except for the crown belt which is 40.90 bucks. it was really veh nice, but i couldn't afford.. hmm, i choose one minty green shirt, which i initially wanted to buy for dear during one of the occasion couldn't remember when was that, then i asked him to try.. it was quite nice..=) jus that the size dosen't suit, and he don't like the pocket on his chest.. then we also notice any quite similar shirt at Domanchi, was nicer, he said. okie, then we're super hungry, erm actually it was mi la.. haha.. we went to eat some crap food, which is not nice at all.. not nice! .. then we walk around and went off..

u knoe, i think sometimes, i'm the cause of conflict, why must i mention things that will cause some conflict? Initially, he said, he might be learning DJ from one of his frens.. then i started to feel, didn't he told mi a few hours back that he's gonna learn hair cuttin from his friend who jus open a salon, after he ORD.. it was oki that he wanna learn that, now he talks about dj, and he still has to cope with his NTI, part time studies and some part time job, friends, girlfriend and family.. the first thing that came onto my mind was, does he have the time for all this, cos if it was me, i doubt so.. so i started to tell him that, and he goes on and on... talking about alot of things like success and some other things that i couldn't remember.. it's true that i really dun feel secure when he mentioned he wanna pick up as many skills as possible within the next few years.. but after wad he said, maybe he's right, he's capable.. he said many things that shut mi up, that i jus didn't knoe how to say.. but no matter wad, i'll still be a supportive gf will not anyhow object wad he wants to pursue.. i jus wanna say, i didn't mean to interfere his future plans,i jus wanna tell him how i feel and now that he said, he had so much confidence in himself, i'll surely have confidence in him, believing that he'll achieve wadever he wans in the future.......=D

after the orchard, we went home.. =).. he got a veh weird habit, and that is, taking off all his shirt and pants and everything on , except his boxers and socks, i couldn't stop laughin, i know it's bad of mi to do that, but i jus can't stop.. he was angry or wad, i dunno, he took off his socks and smear it on my face and try to run away, i caught hold off him, i was sitting on his chair , that has wheels, so it was quite slippery.. when i hold on to his arm, the chair slid and roll over his little toe, he was damn angry and pain, but i didn't do it on purpose, i swear.. and he scold F***, and push mi onto the ground with his mighty strength ..-_-''' , i was in a state of shock and traumatised, cos no one has ever did that to me, even though he came and hug mi and say sorry, i was still shocked.. i was thinking, at that moment.. "he has a high possibility becoming a wife battering husband in the future..." hahha...

stress -freee...

2006-03-13T00:12:00.000-08:00

yeah~.. finally no more exams for the time being.. ahhah.. feel so 'light' , i had my skills assessment today,jus now while waiting for my turn for assessment, i was so tensed up, jus like on sat, before i go in for my piano theory exam, i was so nervous, until i start to talk rubbish and do funny things.. i din notice that myself, was my fwens that told mi that, maybe i was too stressed huh?! Though i flung one of the skills, i still feel happy, cos i din really study much, thank God, that i got a simple case scenario, blame myself for failing one of the skills, i jus failed by administering the wrong dosage..haiz, initially, i told the teacher the correct amt which is 12 units of insulin, cos the patient's sugar lvl is 15mmol ma.. then i think i 'pa jiao' or wad la, mixed up 15 and 12, in the end, i told the teacher, i'm administering 15 units,wad the toot* rite.. ahaha.. anyway, i think the teacher did the right thing by failng mi, cos imagine, if i go to the ward, and give wrong dosage, the consequences will be.. ahhh~~.. so i gotta retake my injection skills on 23/3/06.. hmm..

Psycho exam will be 3 weeks later, and i dun really knoe wad the hell the teacher is talkin bout, followed by bio, and the rest of the subject.. i jus hope i'll get better grades this sem, tired of seeing B's and C's and D's.. wanna see A's... =) now that i already got one bio prac A, i'll have to work harder in order to get more A's.... =PpP i'll have to sacrifice my sleeping time.. hmm, by the end of this sem, i'll be like a panda + piggy, panda because i'll have to burn the midnight oil often, pig because when i'm stressed, i forgot my meals and i eat at the wrong time.. haha... guess it's time for mi to exercise~!

tons of works... how?

2006-03-08T14:34:00.000-08:00

hmmm.. i jus finished readin wee chiew's bloggie, her stories always start with sorrows but end with sweet love.. it's nice readin her blog.. i knoe, i shldn't be readin blogs now, but i'm way too bored of studyin.. argh~ can hardly open my eyes now.. i dun understand why our schedule for this sem seems to be so crap.. see, wed-clinical exam, thurs-debate presentation, fri-research exam, sat-piano exam.. followin mon- skills assessment, after 2 weeks, 4 more exams comin up..after exams, i'll have 2 months of attachment.. gosh~! how am i going to cope with all these.. how? time seems not enuff for mi.. not enuff for mi to slp, study and go out.. money also seem not enought.. what has the world become... i'm so stress..stress.. u knoe..=E ..

ytd, ma frens and i were talkin bout future life.. some say gettin engaged soon after finish school, some say gettin married when 23, 26, 28... then we talked bout.. our career, overseas studies.. it's abit frightening to talk bout all these...cos after we graduate, we'll have to be independent, start to save up, do everything on our own.. oh my.~ =x

swimmin lesson..

2006-02-26T12:33:00.000-08:00

woah~ i'm at my aunt's condo.. so fun .. com is mine for the whole day, nobody to fight with mi.. =P .. today, woke up at 8am because, my lil cousin, so noisy he keep askin mi to wake up and follow him to swim... finally, i woke up.. clean up and went off to eat, after eating, we went swimmin...=))
swimmin coah for the day...=D

poor lil guy shiverin, refuse to get in the water

never mind, swimmin coach will carry him into the waters..=PpP

"ther, this is how u swim...."

yeah~! swimmin lesson finish lo!cheeze~

gosh~

2006-02-25T03:14:00.000-08:00

oh no.. i'm still awake.. ahhhh~!! somebody , sing me to slp please... .. ..

yawns.

2006-02-25T01:30:00.000-08:00

hmm... i'm so bored, it's 1am sharp .. i can't fall asleep, i'm not tired. how? guess it was the large ice milk tea's fault. haizZ.. all bcos of Pearly .. =P niwayz, today was coOl.. after school at about 6pm , i met up with pearly cos , it's been too long since we met last time.. haha.. she called mi up and i suggested we meet, at town.. hmmmm..met her at heeren, as usual, she looks the same lar,, haha. when i saw her, i'll feel like as though , i'm back in sec school, always got tis feeling.. hmmm.. we walked ard, chatted, lots lots of things.. we bought girls stuff.. she's really a shopaholic, even though she got lotsa new foundation, she'll still think of wanna get another new wan anot, =_=''' haha.. Ben's gonna kill her if he knew she bought alot of unnecessary stuffs, like nail polish, bla..=pPp, we talked bout our guys.. and her sch stuffs, she's gonna leave for thailand on 3 march if i'm not wrong, i'll miss her lots.. most importantly, i'll write a list of things and ask her buy for mi... heheh* ~ .. she's going ther for 6wks, attachment, i wonder if it's me, how wld i survived~

ehz.. i realised, we're so close that we are almost like sisters, cos we share almost everything under the sky.. +winks+ she knows wad i'm talkin.. ahaha.. hmmm..anyway ya.. we went to jp after that, and sat at mos burger ordered 2 large ice milk tea, and drank our fill.. haha.. chat and chat non stop.. finally it's time.. i gotta go home.. so we left.. arghz. i realli wanna stay longer.. =)

on the way home, i msged dear =), when i reached home, he still haven reply, so i went to bathe, after i finished, he slept.. =_='''zzzzZzz~ roast pig. hmmmm.. i couldn't sleep, i paint my nails, and tried to slp after that, but still can't , so i end up bloggin here.. i'm missing him right now.. yea~

I [M]isS U

finish~

2006-02-22T15:36:00.000-08:00

i finished the bio prac, before that i thot dear was going to wish mi good luck, but he nv.. hurmp~ nvm.. i still manage to do the questions... =P .. the enocrine qns were oki oki, the reproductive system was easy.. i only dunno how to do the arteries, lymphatic drainage,.. bla..bla.. and whatever it is, i'm already done with bio, jus pray hard that i'll get good results lor.. =] hmm... i'm alone in school again.. =_=.. today got no guitar, and nafa, suyun got diving, jen and cecelia went to donate blood, rum and ranji gone missing.. i'm all alone.~. i gotta do ma piano hommies, later at 7.15 i got lesson.. today's a tiring day man.. *yawns* no time to catch some sleep.. ya, ytd i went to collect the cross stitch i made, suppose to give on valentine's day but.. it's not done yet.. hmm. the workmanship sux man. , damn expensive, yet produce this kinda thing, there's a visible line in the middle of the cross stitch, i asked them why like that, they say because i fold the thing, bull shits. anyway wad's done cannot be undone... i mailed the parcel. =)) jus waiting for him to recieve it .. hee hee..

baa... baa...baaaaaaa~!!!

ah hem~

2006-02-22T11:25:00.000-08:00

Blog is alive after so many months stonnin.. i'm wonderin how ppl could keep up with their enteries.. i'm gonna sit for my bio prac exam late at 1 pm , here i am, writing nonsence instead of studyin..i wish i wish... i cud get an A for my exam.. yea. how much i wish, how hard i study, this wish will not come true.. alright, i'm gonna study now..boring~ buzzin off~ =P

i'm a problem kid

2005-09-18T00:02:00.000-07:00

today , mi and pearly and Ben went to JE library study.. as usual, the couple always late.. i waited in the library alone.. so lonely.. haha.. hmm.. then we met marilyn and studied together, on the floor, pathetic rite.. cos basically the whole library's table for studyin, was occupied.. so we sat that for hours, my leg was numb.. after studyin for like 1 hour plus, we went to eat.. KFC, and pearly wasn't full enough, so she ate another sausage, and then we went back to the library, she still wasn't satisfied, she and ben went to the cafe downstairs, to eat ice cream or something else, i dunno , cos i was left alone, marilyn went to look for her friends.. haa.. hmm.. after sometime, finally everyone came back..so we studied again.. until i'm like falling asleep, so i asked pearly to acc. mi to go out of the lib, i wanna go trim my brows, as usually, she'll ask ben to tag along.. but this time, she din neglect mi, she became a bisexual , she hold my hands and ben's hand and we walked together.. whahah.. hmm.. then we came to this shop, i went in to trim my brows.. whee~ when i came out.. pearly say i look like a bitch.. cos that girl who trim my brows, draw my brows too long.. haha.. but i think its nice..! who cares. it's my brows anyway. haha. then we went back and i continue my Brain studies.. after a while my dad came and fetch mi.. and i went back..

that day after wad lionel say about the HP thingy.. i think he's rite.. i shouldn't use my dad's money.. i dun bother bout the Hp already, i dun wan it.. i'll jus use the old phone.. i do this cos at least i thought for my dad, maybe he also dun earn much i shoudn't spend his money, but does he even think about mi? i guess not.. the attitude he gave mi, sometimes i realli can't stand it, i never ask for much, if he can't afford , then forget it , haiz, i'm still his daughter, what can i do , listen lor.. swallow all the shit he say and forget it.. not only my dad, i think my mum also has serious attitude problem.. i dunno whether it's mi or them.. i definetly changed.. i dunno bout them.. what's wrong ? i can't figure out.. i realli can't..

shed tears @ 12.oo am

yeah!

2005-09-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

woo hoo~! 2 modules down. yea! clinical trial and lab. yeah~!!! today i had my assessment.. i was so nervous, actualli wanna study with wenxin before the assessment.. then end up toking bout Lionel and stuffs.. wahha... however, we still felt veh stressed.. outside the lab, we were so scared until what we studied, we couldn't rmb..then it was our turn.. we choosed the card, lucky the card i choosed was an easy senario, i think it was the same as david's.. the NGT insertion and gastric lavage.. whee~.. i did it once thru , and i passed~! so happie... thank God it's over now.. ^-^''' ..

wad da.

2005-09-06T00:35:00.000-07:00

zzzz.. laziness, i tried to be a nice girl, but sometimes i realise i cannot eh it's not cuz of my attitude, i think it's them eh...u knoe..my dad neber gimme my allowance.. :'( .. i got no money already.. i ask him why he nv give, u knoe wad's the ans.. he say, u everytime wanna diet wad , so dun need to eat, that means dun needa use money.. dammit.. who says i'm on diet. i'm not.. then another time i came back from school, veh tired stressed out, he shouted, " hui ah! go wash the dish, so lazy.. hui ah, why nv keep the clothes?" .. damn fed up.. i dunno what's wrong with em.. i jus kept quiet and did all the stuffs.. can't they understand mi for a while, it's not like i'm the only daughter in the house.. why can't he ask my sis to do when she's so free..i'm so.. +x i dunno what to say.. if i complain, ppl will think that i'm so 'xiao qi', parent ask u to do things only ma.. jus do lor.. so.. jus get on with life lor..

hmmm, i'm stressed!!! not only in the house, at school also.. haiz. should say, all nursing yr2 students are stress.. so many things, so little time, so many assignments.. how to finish.. why they plan the time table like that.. =x ..

i'm so lack of money now.. yet i got so many things to buy.. but i think all not important wan.. i hope i'll get the part time job at the Gleaneagles hospital gynae clinic... i need a job .~!

a wonderful day.

2005-08-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

hiee~! i'm so happie ytd.. that's the most memorable birthday i've ever had.. right now. i'm veh veh sick.. flu.. haiz. it's again early in the mornin, i can't slp.. guess i later will be going to the clinic.. i veh scared later doc say must go hospital.. =( i dun wan.. ima nurse, i've seen so many patients suffering from infusing antibiotic thru IV... painful.. =[

alright, ytd, i went to pearly's house first, she said got something for mi ... then i still didn't feel good, still abit 'mabok'.. i was suprised pearly lionel and ben baked the blondie for mi, which wasn't successful when i tried to bake for lionel that day.. i was suprised but i didn't look suprised, maybe cos i was still veh sick.. then i ate one piece and ate panadol.. after takin the pills. i felt better.. then we went to orchard.. takashima there to eat the jap food.. wasn't veh nice eh.. everything tasted bland that day ..couldn't finish the food.. i was veh full.. then we walked around orchard, then at the cineleisure there got this t-shirt design for flesh imp.. hmmm.. we 4 took part, pearly last, i fourth, ben third, another person 2nd, lionel 1st eh~! .. what can i say? he's talented lar.. hahaa.. then we went off to explanade.. while waitin for shen ying they all, we went to the outdoor performance ther.. listen to rock music.. wasn't veh nice.. quite noisy. however peraly enjoys it..

then after that we went to this pub+cafe place... the ambience was nice.. but i'm shiverin.. brr=x.. there's a person singing on the stage.. then that person was reading somethin from a piece of paper.. a dedication..to birthday girl.. then i look at lionel..then he smile.. then the person went on to play this jazzy blue birthday song.. it was nice.. then half way thru, lionel went off.. he went to take the bouquet of not flowers, but chocolates.~!! so sweet.. so touched.. everything was so nice.. he made mi feel like a princess... ^^ .. i had the most special birthday this yr.. i'll always rmb that..

thank you giving mi so many suprises.. realli love u lots.. *muarkS*

suprises.

2005-08-20T07:07:00.000-07:00

Can u believe this, todays' my birthday and i'm so sick.. told my parent, they didn't think that i was sick,at that moment, i was so ... dunno how to say lar.. i have no strength to scold or be angry.. but, i'm happie, cos lionel came my house bought the cool pack for mi to bring down the temperature.. (though it didn't help), he's so sweet, i doubt any guys wld rush all the way from somewhere else to their gf's house when the gf's sick.. so sweeet* =) .. hmmm however, my fwens jiahui they all came over at about 11 plus gave mi suprise, bought mi presents and cake.. another swit bunch of gals.. love em'.. bcos of them , i sort of neglected lionel, he's in the living room chattin with my sis and i'm at the kitchen chattin with the gals.. so sorrie.. =x .

It's 7 am in the morn. i can't slp for the whole nite, i was sneezing, tossin and turnin..sittin up, walking up and down.. it's not that i'm too excited bout where i'll be going tml (I am a lil excited, not too much), it's cos i'm so xin ku.. can't breathe, my pulse rate was fast.. i thot i was goin to die (sounds bit too exaggerated), but it's true, the first person i thot of was lionel.. i dunno why.. at about 5 plus, i woke up , couldn't take it anymore, i pop two panadol and sat at the living room, waiting for time to pass, that's why i end up bloggin..

i hope i can go out later, i hope my fever's gone, i hope everythings's gonna be nice..

i made a wish when i cut my cake, have u guys ever wonder,do birthday wishes come true?

from a baby, to a teen

2005-08-19T19:30:00.000-07:00

tml's my bday.

from 2 cells, become one baby, 9 months in the tummy. after 9 month, pop 1 came out.

from crawling to walking, from always cryin to the first time i call 'mummy'..

from a naughty preschooler, i became a quiet lil girl, i get so much attention from my relatives cos i'm so sweet..

from a sweet lil quiet girl, i became a plump young teen, havin crushes like wad other girls have..

nobody likes the plump mi, cos they think i was a snob, until i began to lose weight, then i caught the attention of some guys

from a plump girl to a thin girl, with depression and suicide caution, that's the worst part of my life, guys walk into my life and leave , parents were upset bout my behaviour and i wasn't good in my studies..

my life was in a mess, nobody's there to help mi, had no one to turn to, then one guy, taught mi many things, sensible things, that other guys wld not probably say.

after so much talkin, i began to realise, i need to change my attitude, my everythin.. since then life was much happier..i thank u for everythin' *baby lionel.*

memorable day..=D

2005-08-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

i'm out with baby again today, initially i thot i cannot go out with him already.. but suprisingly , i manage to spend half of the day with him.. i went to his place in the mornin, he said he'll prepare breakfast for mi.. =], then i also go help lil bit.. haha... it was realli nice, its somethin like pizza, but its not, and still got honey milk.. so sweet of him ya.. then for the rest of the time, we rot in his room.. though it's 5 hours.. time like pass veh fast.. then i have to go home le.. so sad..

*^~baby & darlin~^*

whee~

2005-08-06T23:47:00.000-07:00

.x. sat, mi & baby went out with shen ying and yufan to cineleisure to watch 'land of the dead' .. gruesome show.. =x.. hmm.. then while waiting for the movie to start we went to shop around orchard.. lionel and mi took part in a mini watch show, we have to pose with the watch ad bring out the theme of the watch.. 1st prize is a free watch worth $300 plus.. the rest will get thumbdrive.. and guess wad.. he came in 1st~!! .. actually i already know he'll get 1st.. the way he walks really like so experienced like that... haha.. mi leh.. haha.. i dunno how to walk lar.. anyhow walk .. but still got thumbdrive.. hahah.. hmm. then we took photos and walk walk then we went to watch the movie.. i couldn't go back late so we left early.. and went home..

=(

2005-08-04T23:05:00.000-07:00

x-shed tears @ 1045pm ytd .

screwed up. and fun

2005-08-01T10:19:00.000-07:00

haiz.. ytd was the day we've all been waited so long and yet it screwed up.. that's so sux..

i woked up at ard 7 am plus thot that i have to go pearly's house to bake the cake.. but i asked lionel whether wanna go pearly's house not.. he say dun wan.. so forget it lor .. dun bake.. so we met at jp to shop for clothes and stuffs.. and waited for pearly and ben .. then when they arrived.. we headed to orchard to the 'nydc'.. kk. the 'meatball that ate Manhattan' was nice.. but i couldn't finish.. haha.. hmm. after that we had nowhere to go .. so we went walk walk.. ard that place.. tried some clothes.. then we had to go holland v. to meet up with the rest.. so we walked to the bus stop.. the weather was damn hot.. and my mum called.. she asked me to be home early as usual.. then she said she open up the present for lionel.. she ah~~.. =_=''' i realli dunno what to say.. make my blood boil.. i'm so fed up .. then while we were crossing the road.. my stupid shoe suddenly tore and fall apart.. and end up all the stupid things happen.. my foot hurts and i feel f* up.. i realli felt like going home..din feel like talkin to anyone.. jus wanna be quiet, and suprisingly, lionel kept quiet too.. nv asked much.. he's veh understandin..=] .. i kept quiet all the while until we reached this restaurant or .. dunno what lar.. then i asked pearly help mi buy a pair of slippers.. thanx so much.. i felt better but still not that good.. so i kept quiet and stoned.. until the rest arrived.. i dun wanna be a spoiler so i smile smile... then for the rest of the day , it was fun.. i gave a lil suprise for lionel.. bought him a tiramisu.. hehe =)

i hope this kinda thing dun happen again.. =x i feel so bad..

sianzZ..

2005-07-29T10:52:00.000-07:00

i'm so bored in school... stoning here. . . ohya.. collected the ring already.. veh nice.. hope he likes it.. =] .. i hope the cake i make on sunday is eatable.. haha.. *yawns* veh bored..today got volleyball practice until 9pm.. geez.. Zzzz

bakin trial..

2005-07-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

whee~ today after my school ends i went to pearly's house to bake blondies.. suppose to be white but turn out like shit colour like that.. and it's as hard as rock.. but~ dun judge a book by its cover.. it taste quite nice.. =} .. initially was hopin that can bake it for baby's birthday.. but.. duh.. dun wan le.. not nice..=x.. anyway .. his birthday's on sunday.. ehm.. dunno where to go.. can't think of any idea leh, ?? , Sentosa like too boring.. hmm.. east coast like too far.. and i dunno anywhere else that's romantic.. geex.. s'pore too small.. wanna find somewhere nice also cannot.. *sighx* .. the shirt i bought for him.. dunno whether he like anot.. ehm.. i've got wierd taste.. different from others.. =x .. i've got him something else .. *secret* .. ahaha.. got no time to go and collect the thing.. geex..

that's all la.. got nothin much to write .. cravin for sunday to arrive.. =]

long story..

2005-07-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

duh..=_='' this is the 2nd attempt writing this entry.. i accidentally deleted the previous one.. shits*.. anyway.. i was too lazi to blog cos..ma fan la.. haha.. onli sometimes feel like writting then i write lor.. hmmm.. many things happen.. my life also changed alot.. i was browsing thru my 'memories' jusn ow.. i was like realli a depression kid.. lots of r/s prob, family prob, school works.. exams.. hmm.. now.. i think it's betta.. cos i think i'm trying to lead the right path.. like learning how to gain confidence.. manage my time, good manners lar... etc.. hmm.. i guess that helps alot.. and all thanx to Lionel..

i realli thought alot, i din realli wanna be in a r/s previously.. cos of all the shit some guys gave mi.. i thought seriously.. i'm so afraid that i'll end up being depressed.. i dun wan tat to happen.. but still in the end i choose to be in r/s.. after serious consideration.. luckily i made the right choice.. for the time being..my mum accept the fact, which is a good starting.. and everything went smoothly.. i felt happy =].. but still i cannot go out for long some time and that realli irritates mi.. i hope the sept chalet i can make it.. realli hope so...

i jus started school last week and the schedule was veh hetic... this's gonna be a busy sem.. haiz.. i'll have to balance out r/s and schoolworks.. i need to buck up on my studies.. i hope i can get better grades so that i can prove to my mum that r/s won't affect my studies.. i'm gonna study and study.. oh ya~ still got piano.. i'll also have to learn my piano properly.. gonna take grade 7 next year.. faster finish so that no stress .. aha~~ hmmm...

lionel's birthday's on sun .. i wanna make the 'cake' for him but i duno whether got time anot.. but i'll still make no matter how.. cos its like he gave mi so many suprises.. if i dun do somethin nice.. it's abit bad.. haha.. i hope the 'cake' turns out nice.. =P

am i ready for it

2005-05-17T22:00:00.000-07:00

yos.~ i'm bored.. this holiday.. is like not a holiday for mi.. it's so damn borin.. grrr`.. except on sat larr.. went out with Lionel to explanade.. chat chat.. walk walk.. abit tired.. but nice larr..haha.. [[ see! Pearly, i nv anyhow go out with guys rite.. onli Lionel.. hahhaha]] ..

abit bout Lionel.. haha.. last time we were in the same sec school.. i din know him that well then.. first look and first impression was.. he must be ah beng lar.. dun take things seriously wan.. then veh sacarstic.. =) but he sang well.. that's wad i noticed.. hmm.. then after 1 yr or so.. got to knoe him more.. find that he actually talk alot of mature things.. some too chim that i can't understand.. and he also taught mi some useful things.. can't tell that he's this kinda ppl huh?! i stunned~ .. then i sometimes got tell him my problems.. then he'll tell mi alot of 'da dao li' .. then ask mi to learn this learn that.. other than that.. i find that he's a veh-hard-to-understand guy.. ya.. that's all lar.. hmmm i hope he doesn't know my blog.. haha..

he's in NS now.. we onli got to meet up durin sat and sun.. and worst still sometimes my parents dun allow mi to go out durin those days.. i dunno how also.. that's why i say i dunno whether "i'm ready for it anot"... well i think when it's time to happen it'll happen rite..? jus let nature take its course ba.. ^^

life's like this.

2005-05-09T18:22:00.000-07:00

gettin' kinda lazi bloggin.. got nutthin much to write sometymes.. geez.. sianz.. i finished first half of ma attachment..now it's the 1 month holiday.. dunno wad to do in this hols .. initially wanna go mt ophir hikin. with sch.. now ruined by maa parents.. great job! .. hmm... then my sis suggested to go kelong- some kinda wooden house in the middle of the sea at malaysia owned my ma relatives.. ya.. then she told my parents can mi and my sis and her boyfriend go... initially my parents allowed.. so i thot of askin Lionel and frens go.. after i done that.. my sis boyfren not interested .. he said too many ppl le.. not fun.. ya right .. then i asked my mum since they dun wanna go .. can i go with my frens.. she din even tot about it.. immediately rejected.. there goes my 2nd trip... well what can i do.. complain? .. to whom.. noone.. so... i jus shuddup lor. jus let them be lor.. listen to what they say and shuddup.. dun speak out.. keep mum.. until maybe oneday.. u'll see mi in IMH- 'institute of mental health'.. =]

last office.

2005-04-29T22:38:00.000-07:00

.. yoyos. today. as usual went for attachment.. but today different.. it was my fast time doing 'last office' a.k.a cleaning of a dead body.. i uhm.. haiz.. feel sad of course one of the patient died.. hmmm... the sis in the ward asked mi to help him clean his body larr... he's quite young.. and when he died .. he's family members were not around with him.. so sad.. i went in and take a look.. of course i was abit scared larr.. but then still hafta do ma.. so mi and another nurse clean him.. then the other nurse gotta go out and take something.. and she left mi alone with the body.. i was so damn scared..=x. .. but i still wipe lar.. and talk to the body.. tell him i'm going to wipe his face lar..etc.. hmmm.. after a while.. i was quite cool down le.. then.. hmmm..then we started to tie him and wrap him up..after the whole session.. i felt quite .. sadden? hmm.. not a veh appropriate word to use.. i also dunno how ta describe larr.. jus hope he rest in peace lar.. i also felt quite happie knowing that i actually help to clean up a dead person to send him off.. =) overall it was a good experience.. =]

attachment~

2005-04-18T19:56:00.000-07:00

yoyOX.. today's da first day in my new ward.. hee.. i'm taking care of rehab patients.. i gotta dye my hair darker.. cos teacher say my hair color dun look like nursie.. haiz.. i dyed it dark purple red ash.. somthin like that lar.. ahah.. took care of quite alot of patients today.. help them with their bath and stuffs.. =] .. i still wanna learn alot of things.. and hopefully i can get rid of maa vomitin' phobia. ..yeah..
Pearly and ben mus be enjoyin at KL now.. haiy.. so fun. too bad i can't go man.. so sad.. i still got 3 wks of attachment.. die ar... dunno how to survive... hmm.. BTW.. i made muffins.. passed it to lionel .. he says tasted not bad.. =] chu~*

hmm=x

2005-04-14T17:20:00.000-07:00

..yozz~! hmmm.. been studyin for maa exams for past few days... tml finaali is my last paper.. yeah~.. past 2 days i've been studyin wih Ryan.. ya.. it's him.. Ryan.. we studied.. we realli studied.. nothin else.. he got some kinda problem with his moOn. and.. he wanted somebody to 'pei' him study.. so .. that person was mie.. he msged mi .. asked mi go study.. but actually he wanted to tok to somebody.. hmmm.. from another angle look at him.. he actually wasn't so bad.. hmm .. dunno larr.. he's like abit too hard to understand.. anyway. mi & him.. is veh impossible even he broke up with his girlfrien.. he's a good fwen.. notta good boyfrien.. =) ... he wanted mi to help him in composing songs.. he sing i play the piano.. then maybe can introduce mi to J team.. some kinda of TV thingy larr.. but think it's impossible lar.. though he gotta good voice.. and i can play piano.. but... he came to look for mi becauz he had problem with moon.. so after every thin's finish.. i think we seldom contact already.. ya.. but.. betta still .. i dun wanna get caught in a relationship with him.. =) .... phew'~ everythin's over.. everythin's off ma chest.. phew~.. exam's gonna be over.. yeah~

jumpedx

2005-04-08T22:30:00.000-07:00

i almost jumped down maa buildin' jus now.

studyin

2005-04-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

yohoo.. for the past 2 days.. 've been studyin wit' pearly and Ben.. haha... fun.. but we did study larr... today we studied at SP library.. then so coincident .. met Shao hua.. wahah.. so long nv see him le.. stilll so tall and chao ta.. haha.. bring up alot of maa memories.. hhaha.. hmm.. we studied for ... hmmm... 6 hrs plus.. then cannot take it.. then went off.. haha.. go clementi eat.. thot jun was workin at S&K.. we went to peep.. but he wasn't.. haha.. hmm.. anyway we were damn hungry.. Pearly suggested to have a 'big feast' .. haha.. i think we end up eating the wrong thing.. not nice de..=x.. like shit.. somemore so spicy.. haha.. so we ordered a plate of chicken. ahaha and rice.. pathetic.. ben was most xin fu.. he ate western food. haha.. hmmm.. then after that.. we went off.. i took bus ... and passed the usual place... where they display larmboghini.. omg... so nice... i wanna buy~!! ... when i'm married to a rich guy ba.. ^-^"'

chuckin all my problems aside..

2005-04-03T00:11:00.000-08:00

hmm... today mornin.. went to bukit batok.. to help out at ah zai's stall.. so hot.. and stuffy but fun being the cashier.. haha.. after that.. went baack home.. haf a shower.. and started my revision... i revised non-stop for bout 3 hours..then waited for edwin loh to come so that we can haf dinner at sobasei.. so after he came.. i called zheng liang ask him wanna go eat nott.. then .. hmm.. happily we four went off.. to sobasei... play and play and sing and eat and do wateva shit.. haha... so full.. and the bill was..... $92 ++ ... expected lar.. we all ate buffet ma.. haahha.. all pigs.. hahah.. hmm.. then we decided to go super bowl play play walk walk.. then go there play arcade. actualli i wasn't keened to play all this things.. but for the sake of forgetting all my problems.. and stresses and filling my emptiness.. i actualli spend $10 ++ playing stupid damn percussion thingy.. i jus couldn't stop hitting .. jus let the heavy metal music burst in ma ears.. letting mi forgett everythin.. clearing everythin off maa mind.. had a great day.. can tell how ZL feels towards mi.. he lifted my spirits, but anything for mi.. pay anything for mi .. do anything stupid with mi.. and cheer mi up.. talk shit with mi.. i appreciate. realli.. but... feelin is not rite.. it's jus not ther... =x

...

2005-04-02T18:56:00.000-08:00

according to psycologist.. i'm suffering from "identity vs role confusion" .... cos i dunno who am i , what's my character, wad's my value of living , where i belong.. sad eh?

missing u..

2005-03-29T14:52:00.000-08:00

there are times when i realli miss the presence of you with mi,

miss all the fun and laughter,

all the jokes and shit that we do,

all the love u gave,

i realli miss you..

this sux..

2005-03-26T03:17:00.000-08:00

omg.. i've got red rashes that are not itchy on my limbs.. duh..=_='' sucky.. it s so horrible.. .. ytd went to pearly house the whole day.. rent a vcd "doll master" gross show.. haha.. we baked chocolate cookies and banana muffins.. taste yummie... haha.. ate quite alot .. ayway that's ytd.. today was damn boring.. gotta stay at home the whole day larr.. errhhz.. sianz.. whole legs are red.. eww... sounds gross? maybe's pearly's dogggie.. hahaa.. or some kinda insect.. eeeww.. i hate that.. and it suc..s seriously... hmm... i hope it goes off soon.. haha.. stoned the whole day at home... thinkng of memories.. haha..in secondary school.. all the boy girl stuffs.. so fun.. miss those days man.. ya.. poly life's like so sux.. duh.. no life at all.. hafta do all those assignments and presentation stuffs.. and guess wad.. our group is always the most 'lan' wan.. geez,.. no motivation in doing things larr.. =c

warmth in ma heart.. =]

2005-03-23T22:24:00.000-08:00

yoyos~! waa.. today in school so sleepy.. woke up at 6 am.. feeling so shagged and tired.. travel all the way to yio chio kang.. wad to do? that's life man..=[ .. i slept all the way.. until YCK i still wanna slp.. wahaha.. no choice had to get down.. feeling so moody and sianz....=x.. then reach school first things.. veh hungry.. but had to attend lecture first.. after that got break 15 min..then i faster go buy sushi eat.. wahahha.. veh veh hungry cannot tahan leh..hhah...on the way back.. saw Him.. omg... i was choking.. my sushi can't get down the throat.. ahhaa... i was swallowing like hell.. dun believe ask suyun.. wahaha.. finally get passed him.. i was like.. phew~! my legs were wobbly..like jelly.. haha.. then...
Nain msg mi.. ask mi wanna go out not.. i abbit dun feel like.. then knda rejected him lar..r at first wanna watch Boogeyman de.. then like no $$ leh..so nv watch lor.. actualli also wanna go eat sakae with pearly de.. but also cuz of some financial problems.. nv go le.. in the end.. went back home.. when started raining damn heavily......... when got bf that time walking in the rain was like so romantic.. without a bf... bloody.. walking in the rain is hell.. i soaked my shoe.. arrghss.. anyway i went to my ah ma house.. guess wad ... thru out the whole journey from YCK to JE.. i slept too... hahha... then got down.. my contacts was like going to drop.. i covered one eye and rush to the toilet.. lucky nv drop.. hahah.. hmmm.. i took 333 to ah ma house.. sitting beside mi.. was a young preschooler.. with his maid.. i looked at him first..he was kinda cute.. then he caught mi looking at him.. then he shy shy.. turn to his maid and whisper to her," i don't hate this jie jie.." the maid ask him.. why.. he said," cos she veh pretty.." then i *blushed*... ahaha.. kids don't lie wor.. anyway.. he's veh cute.. i waved goodbye to him.. after he got down the bus.. he still turn back and look at mi.. wave again.. hahaha. he made my day so happy..i dunno why.. =)

this sux

2005-03-16T13:50:00.000-08:00

aiyo.. an awful scene happened ytd.. morning i woke up at 6 am.. feeling a bit sick .. and stomach cramp.. veh unusual cramp.. realli painful.. =x.. then i heck care lar.. still went to sch.. cos first 2 lesson is bio ma... then went in the mrt .. wa sianz.. no place to sit.. i was like half squattin.. half standing.. cos realli veh pain.. then finally at choa chu kang got some place .. i faster sat down.. then try to close my eyes and slp.. but cannot though i veh tired.. normally i'll be sleeping.. then at around sembawang and yishun.. i feel like everything beside mi began to slow down .. like everything slow motion.. i tried shaking my head telling myself its my own imgaination larr.. but still it was same.. then when reach katib, i reach out in my bag for my sweet.. cos i feeling veh sick.. like wanna puke like that.. then i open the sweet case.. sweets dropped on the floor.. then soon reached yio chu kang le.. the moment i stand up.. i feel like omg .. i'm so light headed.. everythin beside mi jus became a flash of silver light.. and couldn't hear anything.. like buzzing sound in my ear..i jus squeezed thru the crowd.. and scan my e z link.. and went to look for my fren.. hold on to my fren told her i am going to faint..my face was pale like shit.. both of my fren held mi .. each on each side.. and help carry my bag.. then ... i almost fainted again.. i turned to my right, to my horror..i saw "him" .... shit.. such an ugly sight.. haiz.. alot of other ppl were looking .. i was the lime light of the day.. haiz.. most disappointed was.. how come there are so many days in a week.. purposely he had to see mi like this.. such a pale and ugly look.. guess in his heart. he mus be thinking.. "this girl.. already knoe she's sick.. still wanan come school show off.. haiz.."

haiz,.~!

2005-03-15T11:31:00.000-08:00

omg,, i think i'm gonna fail my piano exam.. geez.. its so damn difficult.. shit.. i wasn't even concentrating lae.. hope i pass larr.. sianz... hmm... finally finsh all the test le.. but that was onli the starting of nightmare.. the real nightmare haven arrive yet.. my exams are coming on next month then follow by attachment for 3 wks,,, break for 4 wks.. and again attachment for 4 wks.. shit sia.. i gonna die le... hmmm.... haven been bloggin for dunno how long le.. veh lazi to blog.. hahah.. hmmm.... life's so sianz for mi .. kao~....

=x

2005-03-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

pyschology.......... biology...............piano.................. so stressed~~~~Arghs

Ramen byy my china frens...

2005-03-01T23:45:00.000-08:00

.. YOhooo.. i went to my china fren's house all the way at amg mo kio.. so far... =_=''' cos she's coOking for 8 of us to eat.. hmmm.. we went shopping for groceries at NTUC.. then bought sparkling juice.. as if we were going to have reunion dinner... hahah.. then we went to her house.. a small 3 room flat.. but veh cozy... we started preparing for the things.. i wanted to help out.. but.... i dunno.. =[ ... i think i'm far too princess.. mus learn how to whip up some nice dish next time.. hee... er... then i doodle with some things here and there.. after a long time.... the dishes are ready.. hmmm.. smells nice and taste superb.. hahaz... after eating.. i felt so sleepy.. went into zhao jing's room secretly.. intending to lie there for a moment.. end up slpping lyk a babie.. OOoooo.. after dunno how long.. finally i woke up.. and watched tv.. eat again.. and.... one of em started playing cards.. use cards to tell ur fortune.. wOOo.. sounds interesting.. to mi.. i always believe in fate , luck, destinee.. yaa.. so i played.. there are 3 methods.. the first wan
she explained to mi that " i got a problem near mi, i kept someone's heart but i threw the person itself away, someone has he''s heart near mi, but this person is far away from mi...yaa.. that's all bout it.. quite true.. i wonder who's that someone who likes mi.... Hmmmmm.."
the 2nd one is "do i have fate with this person" .. i played for the first time .. and it says yes... Oooo..
3rd wan is the damn scary wan... so accurate leh.. " i haf to think of 3 guys..and the last wan card is my husband who is unknown and ask 11 qns..and my friend will predict for mi.. the first i tot was ken, then the guy who lives near mi, then jun.. i started asking who i luv most? the answer is my future husband, who loves mi most? the answer is my husband, who's parents like mi most? the answer is my husband.. i was so shocked .. and i asked some other qns which is damn "chun".... ahhah.z..

after that .. veh late liao.. we all went home... ZzzzZ

noi+hu|

2005-02-25T07:09:00.000-08:00

kakakz.. todae mi skool until 12 pm onli.. so hAppie.. =] i faster call xia noi out.. cos nv really had time to go out with her.. woOOoo.. i faster go home.. change into tube then woOoosh.. i went off. hahha.. met xia noi at chinese garden .. hmm... then off we go to orchaRd!.. our first stop ..cineleisure.. eat lonG joHn.. haiz.. as usual .. memories bout mi & him @ long John flashed back.. but.. heck care.. hahaz.. then tok crap all the way and munchin the food non stop... wakakak... =] ... after that .. we left for Heeren..Take PHOTo~!!!.. hahah.. our main point today.. =PpP.. we toOk ghosTly phoTos.. haha.. then there's a group of guys approached for nOi.. asking her for no. .. we both act we are foreign girls.. wahhaha... everything they say ..we huh?! hahaha... they really tot we japanese wor.. hahah.. wheeu weet!.. haha then after we took.. we went shopping for bikinis.. yea..^-^''' mmm. seen many.. but all veh ex.. no money to buy lehz.. then we went to far east.. guess Wad? .. we saw MIa lEe.. the s'pore idol contestant.. she's so short.. she wore a pink tube.. shades.. and a cap.. afraid that ppl would recognise her.. but i still recognise her.. haha... she's so talented .. dun understand why she's out.. then ... continue the story.. me and noi.. took 2 times photo again..=x.. haha/ wasted alot of money .. but still dun care lar.. hahahz... then realised it's late le.. we moved to wisma.. and shop for bikini again.. this time.. i bought a black one and she bought a bright red wan.. hahahaz.. cheap cheap nia... today had a great time with her.. cos took alot of photos.. heeeee..... =D

wahh...=]

2005-02-24T06:26:00.000-08:00

bOos.. hee.. today.. saw that guy again.. =x.. he jus walked infront of mi.. suyun was asking mi to look infront.. then i .... =x.. my heart skipped a beat.. haha.. nearly fainted man.. so hard to describe the feelin...* .. but .. there's totally no chance for mi to knoe him.. cos we r realli strangers.. haha.. maybe not noeing him is a good thing.. jus bumpin into him ocassionally will be good enough fer mi..*winks* =] .. he's veh tall.. can't imagine if i really hav a boyfren so tall.. haahaz.. anyway.. i secretly got to knoe his bloggie.. i read his enteries.. he... doesn't wanna haf a gf now.. that's like..... duh =[ .. notta goot news fer mi.. wahha/// anyways think too much le larr.. nothing will happen and .. jus let it be ba... but at least.. when i walk past him.. i take a peep at him.. i'll feel betta.. so that i won't think of the past again.. =x..

i watched channel 5 'true courage' jus now.. it's bout this 15 yr old ger.. kenna molested.. then i tot of wad happen to mi last time.. it's true.. it'll cause a emotional scar.. and it won't go off... so girls.. knoe how to protect yourselves.. ~!

raindrops fallin on my head....=]

2005-02-18T22:15:00.000-08:00

dear diary,

hmmmm.. today i went to wenxin's house with annabelle and Grace... haha.. actually we planned to go hiking in some kind of natural forest near wen xin's house.. hmm.. at first we walk.. quite nice.. cos veh natural.. so cOolin.. then started to drizzle.. we only took 1 umbrella.. and got 4 ppl.. my god.. then it started to rain super heavily.. then we stuck in the middle of the forest..w aaa.. sounds like survival huh.. we waited for the rain to stop.. but.. its gettin heavier and heavier.. then no choice larr.. have to sacrifice 2 of em larr.. walk in the rain.. mi and annabelle took the umbrella.. =] heee... grace and wen xin walked in the rain.. hmmm..=x both drenched and Grace shirt became so transparent that we can see almost everythingy... whahaha.. *grins* =) .. ehhz.. after that we went back to wen xin's house larr.. then changed into her clothes coz ours .. too wet le.. wahhah.. then played with her cat.. lurvve her cats so much.. =) meow... so guai... ehz. then her mum cooked Udon for us.. then eat and eat.. then time to go home le.. her dad fetched mi to mrt station then my dad fetch mi home... =) finally home sweet home... i was sleeping like a baby when i was on the car.... =] ... had a wonderful day... but veh tired..=x

wierd.. =x

2005-02-17T00:11:00.000-08:00

deary diaryx,

ytd i saw my friend's bloggie.. its so sweet and romantic.. she and her bf.. like going to married le.. haiz.. after i saw.. i feel so discouraged.. and suddenly i feel like so alone.. i knoe for sure i'm gonna start the routine of cryin at nite le.. haiz.. i always tot of the past.. i dunno why.. it's always been hard for mi to have a normal relationship.. i dun understand why.. haiz.. and.. someone disappeared from my life again. . dun wanna mention it anymore.. it's jus too sick and tired.. i hate it..

the day with Stiles..

2005-02-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

dear diaryx.

today stiles came my house to bai nian.. then settled at my house for quite sometime and.. lost quite a bit of $$ hahaha.. to them.. and this jiahuix.. ate up so many of my things..=_=''' she has a great appetite lately.. wahhah.. becomin a piggy.. then after that we went to shujing's house.. and bai nian.. her mother cooked noodles for us and nuggets.. yumms..** and again jiahui ate alot alot alot.. drank 2 packets of water... my god.. haha.. then we cannot finish the food.. so we play the "zhong ji mi ma" .. omg i'm damn sway.. i tio 2 times.. ate so much until wanna puke le.. =x.. haha.. after that we stayed in shujing room gamble again.. after a while.. we left.. hmmm.. to eeling's house bai nian again.. haha and gamble and eat.. and once again.. jiahui ate almost all eeling's pineapple tarts.. wahahha.. then we started to zi lian.. mi, jiahui and peifang.. taking pictures all the way.. hahha.. then my hp rang.. =] lionel called mi to go eat supper with him.. since so long nv meet since he went ns.. i decided to meet him.. i took taxi from eeling's house. and reached ther.. and he's late.. =x .. dun .." guys are always like this.." hahah.. hmm then he ate roti prata.. i veh full dun wanna eat.. so sit down talk cock.. haha.. he told mi bout lots of things in his ns.. he's always full of things to say de.. and he nv forget to be sacarstic.. kao~!.. ahha.. then i gtg liao.. he send mi home... also talk bout alot of things.. haha.. hope can meet him soon larr.. always say wanna go watch movie but.. in the end nv.. haha.. geez

aw wee.... is he the one

2005-01-15T11:50:00.000-08:00

dear diary,
i'm so hapPie.. haha. ytd i went to wen wei's house with suyun.. to learn guitar.. hmmm.. though didn't quite learn.. but .. got to know quite alot bout wen wei.. coz we all chit chat .. all the way.. so fun.. his house is big.. woah. got a maid.. 4 brothers.. all not bad.. all quite good lookin.. hahah .. he's the guy i'm waitin for all the while ba.. i think.. buut i not sure whether i wanna be in a relationship.. after so much of things happening.. i realli dunno.. but one thing thats true is... whenever i think of him.. there'll be a smile across my face.. i miss u so much...

sad times..**

2005-01-13T16:47:00.000-08:00

dear diary..
hmm.. ytd nite.. Ryan missed called mi.. i called back .. chatted with him a while... haiz... dunno why.. tot he was suppose to disappear from my world.. and now he's back again.. haiyo..i asked him bout he and his gf.. he say jus started few days ago.. hmm... then he said nutting much.. he asked bout mi.. i told him that i haven find anyone after him.. he asked mi why.. i told him coz i couldn't find anyone suitable for mi.. he asked mi.. "you think i suit u ?" ... kiddin ba? -_-''' he already got gf le.. i told myself i'm not gonna find anyone after that le.. i jus wana be single .. wait for the right one to come.. :) i dunno larr.. then after a while my mom scold mi le.. then i hang up.. he told mi that he'll sms mi.. i on the phone the whole nite which i dun normally do.. waited.. but i woke up in the mornin.. nothin.. =x.. hah.. dun care liao la.. life's jus like that.. so sucky.. after he called mi ytd.. in the nite.. i tot back bout the things he told mi in cineleisure long john silver.. i remembered clearly.. veh clearly.. coz it jus wouldn't go away.. i told him i was molested a few times.. but couldn't help myself.. din noe how to protect myself.. he said, " as long as u r with mi, i will protect you and let no one touch you.." i cancelled it.. coz it jus din happened.. soon after that he told mi, " we should remain as friends.... " *cries* i cried too much.. isn't it sad.. but it's all over now.. i'm single .. guesss he's with MOon.. hah.. none of my business animore.. none..
i also went clementi parsa malam with my sis and yuk ling.. wanna go 'samuel and kelvin' find junrong wan.. when we went there.. wahah.. met a cute guy.. my sis saw S.H.E poster.. then she saw seilna with the big bunch of curly hair.. then she said," wa.. the hair sux.." the guy beside us said," huh? wad u said? huh? har? uh? haha..." haha. he's so cute.. hahha.. then we asked whether junrong workin here not.. he said he's off today.. then he said we veh practical come here look for jun only.. hahah.. then we went off le...

O. haha..

2005-01-10T23:53:00.000-08:00

dear diary,
ytd mi and wen wei msg again.. hmm.. it was like we get along quite well larr.. er.. going to his house with suyun on fri to learn guitar.. realli to learn.. coz i wanna learn.. haha.. hmmm.. kelvin called.. we chatted haaha.. dunno when he'll return my money.. perharps won't liao ba.. aiyoyo.. haiz.. er.. now in com lab nothing to do.. sat d&d liao haven even buy my clothes.. also dunno wad to wear... sianz.. dun feel like going also.. haha.. hmmm.. kinda boring here.. geez.. think i go home wanna write letter to xianoi liao.. hahah.. veh long din write to her le.. sure got lots of things to say de... ytd i chat with Ryan. he.. seems like dun wanna contact mi like that.. aiyarr.. nvm lar.. he already got moon.. sure forget mi de lar... jus take it as a part of my dreams.. dreams will dase away someday.. haiz. at least i'm happie i've recovered from depression.. after all those suicidal ideas and all the cryings.. i think after i prayed to GOd.. everything seems soothen down abit liao.. ya.... that's all lar.. sianz.. i go le.. bbuaiz. ~! ^-^'''

its 2005 ..

2005-01-09T13:03:00.000-08:00

dear diary,
i did not update for so so damn long le.. wahaa.. hmmm.. happened quite alot of things la.. which are realli unpredictable... first came Ryan.. then left.. baron .. then left and Kelvin came.. and left.. currently wenwei came... can u believe it.. i jus can't i dunno why he wld came to mi.. it's like we din tok to each other before... and he came popin out.. hmmm... =x dun knoe.. dn care.. dun waNNa care la.. duh..=p... jus let everything happen naturally...
i also actually got my pay $612 dollars and i lend kelvin $300.. omg.. am i stupid or wad.. haiz.. i dunno lar.. jus hope that i can get back my money lar..hrm... during the 2 months holiday.. i worked at 1975.. lotsa things happened.. lotsa ppl came to look for mi.. lots of guys asked no. from mi. i also suffered much depression.. till now. haiz... i think i shld reali go church to repent my sins.. yea? i also worked at mos burger.. hmm.. met a manager. qing gui.. nice guy.. farnie guy.. lame guy.. caring guy.. bought a doggie soft toy for mi.. wahhaa.. as christmas pressie.. haha...hmmmm..
i also went to galex's ah ma's house during christmas.. it was kinda fun.. i bought a shirt for his baby cousin jeron.. and his mother bought a perlini's necklace for mi.. so nice... everything was nice on christmas except i din had the chance to spend it with jun.. haha.. so sad.. hmmm... on a particular wed... i went clubbin first time in my life with weiren , yanting, jun liang and her girlfriend.. drank some.. and went home at 4 am... rrrr...=x.. haha.. again. i din bought along my bf.. cos i din have one.. haiz..... nvm lar.. jus wait lar..

dad's birthdae..z.Z.

2004-10-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

Dear diaryx,
Today's my dad's birthday.. hmmm.. juz had my dinner.. had satay.. and loads of other things includin red wine.. abit marbok now..haha.. em... he's 50 yrs old now.. so old sia.. can't imagine wad will i be during 50 yrs old.. haha.. shld be like ah ma liao.. haha.. er.. today so boring..
iwent piano lesson in the morning.. after that meet him.. but wasn't veh happi coz i still couldn't forget wad he said to mi.. it left a great impact on mi.. sux.. and i was like so quiet for the whole day.. he also quiet... then we hardly spoke anything lor... so damn fuckin sianz.. after that i ask mei and edwin out.. then we four meet.. its like whenever i see his face i feel so damn pissed off lor.. then didn't feel like toking to him lor.. haiz.. i dunno why lar.. "x .. haiz.. hmmm...then after that we watch movie.. the Andy lau and Sammi cheng's movie.. hmmm.. quite nice lor.. i was so cold.. couldn't help it.. so i pull his hand over.. heyys.. it's because of coldness ok.. nothin else.. so.. i guess.. this relationship is comin to an end someday..

if only i had the courage to... ^^

2004-10-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

Dear diary,
I couldn't sleep for the whole night ytd.. i was cryin like hell..i blamed myself for everything. i looked down on myself.. haiz... i do not have the kind of special feelings for him anymore..coz i juz can't forget wad he've said.. itt makes mi lose interest in almost everything.. i'm preparing to go church every sun. to try to forget all my sins.. and hope that god will help..
u knoe.. i sometimes feel that .. i'm all alone in this world and i see nothin valuable to live for.. i really hate this feeling.. and i feel like dyin.. if only i have the courage to plunge down from 10th storey.. that'll be enough.. i have a miserable life.. and i totally hate it.. i hate everyone, everything, includin myself..

flowers, chocs, sweets..++

2004-10-21T11:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,
i was so terribly angry with him ytd. I still couldn't forget those remarks he said.. " how would i knoe u wouldn't go with him, u said u knoe him now. after 1 week u'll go out with him. and you'll be like last time.." i"m so hurt,i felt so weak and i cried. I'll rmb wad he said forever. I always had a qns on my mind, " if a person made a mistake in the past, is he/she forever despised, forever wrong?" Moreover, even if i break with him, i would not go for Ryan, or maybe not even have a relationship anymore, it's so hurting.. Ryan, is a good fren.. but definetly not a good bf. coz he's too much of attention... u agree?
Ytd, he gave mi blue roses , sweets and chocolates and a bottle of sand. he left it at one of the stairs on 5th floor at my ah ma house. and he left, he asked mi to collect it. I wasn't touched, i nv even think of forgiving him, but i have to. i dunno why. I forgive him to an extend, i'll still wun forgive him for what he've said. worst come to worst. i'll ask for a break. that's all.

20102004

2004-10-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

dear diaryx
I'm so sad.. i told him bout the Ryan thingy.. i thought he'll say nothin.. then .. he said something veh terrible & hurting.. haiz. i'm so sad.. wad am i going to do now.. he sounds as if i'm a flirt.. shld i continue or not.. today is our 1st yr.. i can't believe we're both like that now.. so sucky..
i still love him though he doesn't knoe...

x.her birthdae.x

2004-10-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

ytd, was my sis birthday.. she sure enjoyed it.. coz i nv had such a great birthday party at home.. i bought her a cake.. $30... i'm not that lucky.. to have such a party where all relatives & frens were invited.. my life sux.. she recieved lots of prezzie from her bf edwin.. can see that he really loves her.. coz even though his bank already going empty.. he still bought loads of presents for her.. In this case.. i'm not that fortunate too.. hmmm... i guess.. that's life..